I'm full!
I wasn't sure when to make this announcement but this is as good a time as any. I'm eating food. LOTS AND LOTS OF FOOD. No, not lots of turkey, I'm talking a wide variety.
When I was sick I "went crazy" and ate some make-shift tomato sauce and a few other random things. Well, he didn't have any noticeable reaction. If there was a reaction it was masked by cold symptoms. This got me thinking. I started to think back about how I used to eat potatoes (most often in the form of a french fry) all the time. Especially after the removal of dairy and soy my fry intake greatly increased. Well once I was on my TED the potatoes started giving him reflux. It seemed like everything I was trialing was giving him reflux but this was all stuff I used to eat on a regular basis. I started wondering if it would be less likely to cause a reaction if my diet was more varied. Or maybe he needed to build up a tolerance and no matter what or when I would do a trial it would always fail at first. I was also starting to question my sanity wondering if I was finding reactions where there weren't any.
This may not sound very logical but I figured that if there was always going to be an initial reaction for a couple of days that maybe while he's sick would be the best time to get it all out of the way. That way if the reaction was so minor that it would be masked by his cold I wouldn't freak out, I would just think it was cold related. I know this kind of sounds like I was kicking him when he was down but I felt my body shutting down along with my will power. I had to do something and it was to the point where it didn't seem to be improving no matter how little I ate. I think I eventually got numb to the funky pooh. As long as he didn't seem uncomfortable then that was all I could focus on.
I really struggled with this decision but I needed my life back. I was actually counting the days until his first birthday so I could wean him. I didn't like that feeling. I don't want to wean him especially when the clock strikes midnight on 7.11.06, plus I have a feeling ol' Julian wouldn't wean so easily. But it was getting to the point where I was more depressed than happy. So I had to choose, wean him when he hit 12 months and be miserable until then or get some food and freedom back and be able to nurse him as long as he needs me to. That sounded like the better option to me.
I don't regret being on a super restricted diet as I do feel it really helped. It never got us back to "normal" but I do feel it allowed more healing to take place than if I hadn't done it at all. Plus it eased my guilt, knowing I did everything I could aside from going to formula. I think weaning him at such an early age would have been the most traumatic thing...for both of us. Maybe because I was so strict I am now able to bring back some of the food.
So I went to Bryan and asked "What do you think about me bringing back a bunch of food?" I got the thumbs up and "all for it." This gave me something to look forward to. It was that moment when I decided to bring it all back except for dairy and soy...and peanuts...oh and eggs. But hey that's still a lot of stuff! And none of this one food per 4 days garbage. I would be 83 years old before I made it to something as exciting as a bean. I decided to do it all in one full swoop. What would be the worse that can happen? He'd react and I'd have to go back to turkey and rice.
Since then I've had beef, chicken, broccoli, ketchup, wheat, ginger snap cookies, salad consisting of lettuce and cucumbers with oil and vinegar, black olives, regular salt (gasp!), bananas, apples, sweet potato chips, grape juice, OJ, dairy/soy free bread, guacamole, corn tortilla chips, Hot Tamales and Swedish Fish. The greatest victory was when we ordered DELIVERY. And no this wasn't delivery from Whole Foods; I'm talking a real restaurant. I got FRENCH FRIES and black bean soup. And you know what? We WENT OUT TO EAT last night. I had real pasta not made from rice and sauce, more fries and SPRITE. This may not sound like much to someone who doesn't need to watch what they eat but it's like a buffet opened up right in my mouth. We may actually be able to eat the same meal for dinner as a family again.
I still need to read all the stupid labels and be very selective of what I buy. I read every pack of ginger snap cookies at Whole Foods and only found 1 that didn't have either egg or dairy. I wanted to eat some frozen hamburgers Bryan bought that were “Angus Ground Beef” that were like $3 for 85 of them but had an ingredient list a mile long including soy so I ended up having to buy my own that were 100% ground beef and were like $6 for 4 (because yes I am that lazy to form my own patties out of beef). I still shouldn't eat out yet really unless I know the ingredients which chances are I won't be able to get the full list. I'm scared to find out what was in that pasta sauce I had because if you read the ingredients on jarred sauce many contain dairy and/or soy (I did ask them if they put cheese in their sauce). But I needed some celebrating for a while so I'm gonna play dumb for a few meals. What is gonna get me is the vague "natural flavor" and "spices" which usually has some evil soy hiding out. Hopefully the new labeling laws that went into effect on 1/1/06 will eliminate the need to call the manufacturer to find out just what "natural flavors" they are using (now manufacturers are required to clearly list out any of the major allergens in bold print since not everyone knows "Whey" or "Casein" is dairy!!).
It's funny when I first started out dairy and soy free I swore there was not a thing in the world for me to eat. Now I'm diary, soy, nut and egg free and I feel like the options are endless. I haven't seen any blood in his stool for at least a week so that's a good sign. It's still randomly green and mucousy but with the cold it's hard to tell what the cause is and it's not like we were ever 100% free from that before. But I haven't even been writing down his poop or what I've been eating because I am just that "crazy" now. And man it feels! Plus reflux doesn't seem to be an issue either.
I wish I could explain why corn seemed so bad a few weeks ago but now it's not. Same with potatoes. Why any of this was so bad until now. Heck, I wish I could explain any of the stuff we've had to deal with but I can't so I guess I'm just gonna go with the flow. Who knows, maybe he really did outgrow this at 6 months on the dot. But heck if I'm gonna eat some dairy right now to find out. I may be crazy but I ain't that crazy.
Now I have no idea what I'm gonna do with all that turkey and rice I have because I don't think I could eat it if my life depended on it. But now my biggest concern is how to keep from putting back on all the weight I had lost.
So maybe getting sick was just what we needed so thank you Johnny!!!
When I was sick I "went crazy" and ate some make-shift tomato sauce and a few other random things. Well, he didn't have any noticeable reaction. If there was a reaction it was masked by cold symptoms. This got me thinking. I started to think back about how I used to eat potatoes (most often in the form of a french fry) all the time. Especially after the removal of dairy and soy my fry intake greatly increased. Well once I was on my TED the potatoes started giving him reflux. It seemed like everything I was trialing was giving him reflux but this was all stuff I used to eat on a regular basis. I started wondering if it would be less likely to cause a reaction if my diet was more varied. Or maybe he needed to build up a tolerance and no matter what or when I would do a trial it would always fail at first. I was also starting to question my sanity wondering if I was finding reactions where there weren't any.
This may not sound very logical but I figured that if there was always going to be an initial reaction for a couple of days that maybe while he's sick would be the best time to get it all out of the way. That way if the reaction was so minor that it would be masked by his cold I wouldn't freak out, I would just think it was cold related. I know this kind of sounds like I was kicking him when he was down but I felt my body shutting down along with my will power. I had to do something and it was to the point where it didn't seem to be improving no matter how little I ate. I think I eventually got numb to the funky pooh. As long as he didn't seem uncomfortable then that was all I could focus on.
I really struggled with this decision but I needed my life back. I was actually counting the days until his first birthday so I could wean him. I didn't like that feeling. I don't want to wean him especially when the clock strikes midnight on 7.11.06, plus I have a feeling ol' Julian wouldn't wean so easily. But it was getting to the point where I was more depressed than happy. So I had to choose, wean him when he hit 12 months and be miserable until then or get some food and freedom back and be able to nurse him as long as he needs me to. That sounded like the better option to me.
I don't regret being on a super restricted diet as I do feel it really helped. It never got us back to "normal" but I do feel it allowed more healing to take place than if I hadn't done it at all. Plus it eased my guilt, knowing I did everything I could aside from going to formula. I think weaning him at such an early age would have been the most traumatic thing...for both of us. Maybe because I was so strict I am now able to bring back some of the food.
So I went to Bryan and asked "What do you think about me bringing back a bunch of food?" I got the thumbs up and "all for it." This gave me something to look forward to. It was that moment when I decided to bring it all back except for dairy and soy...and peanuts...oh and eggs. But hey that's still a lot of stuff! And none of this one food per 4 days garbage. I would be 83 years old before I made it to something as exciting as a bean. I decided to do it all in one full swoop. What would be the worse that can happen? He'd react and I'd have to go back to turkey and rice.
Since then I've had beef, chicken, broccoli, ketchup, wheat, ginger snap cookies, salad consisting of lettuce and cucumbers with oil and vinegar, black olives, regular salt (gasp!), bananas, apples, sweet potato chips, grape juice, OJ, dairy/soy free bread, guacamole, corn tortilla chips, Hot Tamales and Swedish Fish. The greatest victory was when we ordered DELIVERY. And no this wasn't delivery from Whole Foods; I'm talking a real restaurant. I got FRENCH FRIES and black bean soup. And you know what? We WENT OUT TO EAT last night. I had real pasta not made from rice and sauce, more fries and SPRITE. This may not sound like much to someone who doesn't need to watch what they eat but it's like a buffet opened up right in my mouth. We may actually be able to eat the same meal for dinner as a family again.
I still need to read all the stupid labels and be very selective of what I buy. I read every pack of ginger snap cookies at Whole Foods and only found 1 that didn't have either egg or dairy. I wanted to eat some frozen hamburgers Bryan bought that were “Angus Ground Beef” that were like $3 for 85 of them but had an ingredient list a mile long including soy so I ended up having to buy my own that were 100% ground beef and were like $6 for 4 (because yes I am that lazy to form my own patties out of beef). I still shouldn't eat out yet really unless I know the ingredients which chances are I won't be able to get the full list. I'm scared to find out what was in that pasta sauce I had because if you read the ingredients on jarred sauce many contain dairy and/or soy (I did ask them if they put cheese in their sauce). But I needed some celebrating for a while so I'm gonna play dumb for a few meals. What is gonna get me is the vague "natural flavor" and "spices" which usually has some evil soy hiding out. Hopefully the new labeling laws that went into effect on 1/1/06 will eliminate the need to call the manufacturer to find out just what "natural flavors" they are using (now manufacturers are required to clearly list out any of the major allergens in bold print since not everyone knows "Whey" or "Casein" is dairy!!).
It's funny when I first started out dairy and soy free I swore there was not a thing in the world for me to eat. Now I'm diary, soy, nut and egg free and I feel like the options are endless. I haven't seen any blood in his stool for at least a week so that's a good sign. It's still randomly green and mucousy but with the cold it's hard to tell what the cause is and it's not like we were ever 100% free from that before. But I haven't even been writing down his poop or what I've been eating because I am just that "crazy" now. And man it feels! Plus reflux doesn't seem to be an issue either.
I wish I could explain why corn seemed so bad a few weeks ago but now it's not. Same with potatoes. Why any of this was so bad until now. Heck, I wish I could explain any of the stuff we've had to deal with but I can't so I guess I'm just gonna go with the flow. Who knows, maybe he really did outgrow this at 6 months on the dot. But heck if I'm gonna eat some dairy right now to find out. I may be crazy but I ain't that crazy.
Now I have no idea what I'm gonna do with all that turkey and rice I have because I don't think I could eat it if my life depended on it. But now my biggest concern is how to keep from putting back on all the weight I had lost.
So maybe getting sick was just what we needed so thank you Johnny!!!
posted by Julian at 10:54 PM
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