Parenting Methods - Cara and Bryan Style
Disclaimer: My intention is not to offend anyone but more to get my thoughts out on where we stand with different parenting methods. And while I'm sure I may offend some of you out there with my blatant naiveté and lack of experience to back up any "theories" I have, just a reminder this is about me and my little family...not you (that's what personal blogs are all about, right!) And I mean all of this in the most loving way. I know that parenting is a very personal matter and what works for some parents won't work for others and even within the same family, what works for some babies won't work for the next one. This I understand and this is why the following is in no way a personal attack on anyone and their choice of parenting. I do hope everyone can keep an open mind including myself as well as respect our decisions we make as parents.
I'm really just curious and anxious to find out exactly how this parenting thing works. I have my ideas on what I want to do, I have my theories on what I think it will be like and what will work best. What I should do and what I should not do. But most of all I'm really curious to find out just how hypocritical I'll end up after all this is said and done. Can I really practice what I preach? Although I try to only preach to myself (and poor Bryan) so hopefully any hypocrisy won't be too obvious to outside parties.
1. Breast Feeding - Yes I feel it's best, yes I want to do it, yes I will give it all I have and not give up after only trying for a week (assuming no special circumstances arise). I know it's something that takes work and patience. But no I will not feel bad or like a failure if it doesn't work out for whatever reason. And I never feel it's my place to say to any non-breast feeding mom that they should do it. I don't know their personal situation. I admit I was completely clueless about breastfeeding before I started to read about it and learn, despite what breast feeding mom's told me. I assumed because it is such a natural process, that everyone would know what to do. Oh how I've learned.
2. Attachment Parenting - I really like the theories behind this method. But there are a few things that I don't necessarily feel comfortable with so I think this will be a basic guideline for me but not a strict set of rules. I do feel there are a lot of misconceptions about what it is and I feel it will be difficult to get some people to see the way. I first heard about it through a friend and while it took me a while to really get what she was saying, it made me curious to learn about it and I'm glad I did.
3. Baby Wearing - I am not sure why but I already feel very strongly about this. It just seems right to me. I've heard of some babies just not liking the sling but I hope that isn't our case. Not only will I wish I could constantly hold my child close but I think Bryan would give me a hard time about all the money I've spent on various baby carrying devices if they go unused! I really feel slings make more sense than strollers. Now I definitely feel there are times when a stroller is best but I think more often than not, a sling or other baby wearing thing is better.
4. Co-sleeping - all for it. I will say however that if my baby is willing to sleep in his crib, then halleluiah. Now we have the mini co-sleeper because as of right now I don't necessarily feel comfortable having our son directly in the bed with us. Mainly because I know what kind of sleepers we are and don't feel it's the safest bet. Bryan and I used to get in fist fights during our sleep (maybe there was some deeper psychological reason for this but we'd laugh it off the next day) and I already feel the bed is too small for us 2. Maybe this will change but for now I think the Co-sleeper fits our needs.
5. Spanking for discipline - don't like it, don't want to do it, get fired up when I see it. I don't want to threaten my child with the "possibility" of spanking either. My goal is not to instill any kind of fear in my child but help him learn from his behavior and understand why he shouldn't be doing something. I don't want him to not do something just because he thinks he'll get spanked. I want him to see the big picture. The last thing I want my child to feel is any kind of fear from me or Bryan. But oh lord, please give me some more patience!
6. Labeling - I couldn't find a good link on this but this is just always something I felt strongly about. Even positive labels "the smart one" etc just don't seem fair to me. I see them as limiting and I want my child to feel he is and can be whatever he wants to be (unless it falls in the raging psychopath category).
7. Materialism - This is one thing I really hope to steer my child away from. There are so many outside influences that regardless of how hard we try in our home to prevent this, I feel it will be a daily challenge. I'll admit I was very, very materialistic. It took me a long time to overcome this (like up till last month) and every now and then it still comes out. I don’t feel comfortable when I hear "oh we can't wait to spoil him" or "he's going to be so spoiled." To me "spoil" has a negative connotation. Anything "spoiled" is generally bad...a "spoiled" surprise, "spoiled" milk, "spoiled" brat...see what I mean? I rather hear "oh we can't wait to show him how much he's loved." Our child will always have what he needs and obviously things he doesn't need. I just don't want it to become expected and I want him to really appreciate everything he has and not move on to the next thing he wants 5 minutes later. There are kids who want things and then there are kids who want things and completely freak out if they don't get them, so badly that they generally end up with whatever it is they wanted. I'm hoping I can teach my child that those things aren't important without him feeling deprived. I don't want to have to ban all commercials/TV in our house to accomplish this either, hopefully he'll learn this.
Well there you have it, I think those are our main "parenting" methods. That said, we'll find out how many we really stick to. I know this is all easier said than done, I'm not stupid. And I know for every reason I have for wanting to do something, someone out there has a reason why I shouldn't. And it may be just as valid. I also know that just because this is what I want to do, does not mean I feel someone who does something different is any less of a parent than I am. I know there are going to be millions of better parents out there and also tons of parents who will make me look like Mom Of The Year. I think my toughest challenge will be consistency.
My overall goal is to be open minded. I want to learn about different methods for doing something. Like with attachment parenting, I never knew about it, but once I heard about it, I was curious to know more. I didn't just chalk it up to something else I didn't know and didn't really need to learn. We know we will make mistakes and well-meaning outside parties will try to prevent us from making these mistakes but honestly we are looking forward to making these mistakes on our own. That’s the only way we can learn and see what works for our family and gain confidence in ourselves as parents. What it comes down to is I'm going to do what feels right for me and my family and hope for the best. That's all we can do right?!
After thought disclaimer: While most of this is spoken in first person I like to reassure everyone that these are all things that BOTH Bryan and I discussed and agree upon. We’re definitely a team in this.
I'm really just curious and anxious to find out exactly how this parenting thing works. I have my ideas on what I want to do, I have my theories on what I think it will be like and what will work best. What I should do and what I should not do. But most of all I'm really curious to find out just how hypocritical I'll end up after all this is said and done. Can I really practice what I preach? Although I try to only preach to myself (and poor Bryan) so hopefully any hypocrisy won't be too obvious to outside parties.
1. Breast Feeding - Yes I feel it's best, yes I want to do it, yes I will give it all I have and not give up after only trying for a week (assuming no special circumstances arise). I know it's something that takes work and patience. But no I will not feel bad or like a failure if it doesn't work out for whatever reason. And I never feel it's my place to say to any non-breast feeding mom that they should do it. I don't know their personal situation. I admit I was completely clueless about breastfeeding before I started to read about it and learn, despite what breast feeding mom's told me. I assumed because it is such a natural process, that everyone would know what to do. Oh how I've learned.
2. Attachment Parenting - I really like the theories behind this method. But there are a few things that I don't necessarily feel comfortable with so I think this will be a basic guideline for me but not a strict set of rules. I do feel there are a lot of misconceptions about what it is and I feel it will be difficult to get some people to see the way. I first heard about it through a friend and while it took me a while to really get what she was saying, it made me curious to learn about it and I'm glad I did.
3. Baby Wearing - I am not sure why but I already feel very strongly about this. It just seems right to me. I've heard of some babies just not liking the sling but I hope that isn't our case. Not only will I wish I could constantly hold my child close but I think Bryan would give me a hard time about all the money I've spent on various baby carrying devices if they go unused! I really feel slings make more sense than strollers. Now I definitely feel there are times when a stroller is best but I think more often than not, a sling or other baby wearing thing is better.
4. Co-sleeping - all for it. I will say however that if my baby is willing to sleep in his crib, then halleluiah. Now we have the mini co-sleeper because as of right now I don't necessarily feel comfortable having our son directly in the bed with us. Mainly because I know what kind of sleepers we are and don't feel it's the safest bet. Bryan and I used to get in fist fights during our sleep (maybe there was some deeper psychological reason for this but we'd laugh it off the next day) and I already feel the bed is too small for us 2. Maybe this will change but for now I think the Co-sleeper fits our needs.
5. Spanking for discipline - don't like it, don't want to do it, get fired up when I see it. I don't want to threaten my child with the "possibility" of spanking either. My goal is not to instill any kind of fear in my child but help him learn from his behavior and understand why he shouldn't be doing something. I don't want him to not do something just because he thinks he'll get spanked. I want him to see the big picture. The last thing I want my child to feel is any kind of fear from me or Bryan. But oh lord, please give me some more patience!
6. Labeling - I couldn't find a good link on this but this is just always something I felt strongly about. Even positive labels "the smart one" etc just don't seem fair to me. I see them as limiting and I want my child to feel he is and can be whatever he wants to be (unless it falls in the raging psychopath category).
7. Materialism - This is one thing I really hope to steer my child away from. There are so many outside influences that regardless of how hard we try in our home to prevent this, I feel it will be a daily challenge. I'll admit I was very, very materialistic. It took me a long time to overcome this (like up till last month) and every now and then it still comes out. I don’t feel comfortable when I hear "oh we can't wait to spoil him" or "he's going to be so spoiled." To me "spoil" has a negative connotation. Anything "spoiled" is generally bad...a "spoiled" surprise, "spoiled" milk, "spoiled" brat...see what I mean? I rather hear "oh we can't wait to show him how much he's loved." Our child will always have what he needs and obviously things he doesn't need. I just don't want it to become expected and I want him to really appreciate everything he has and not move on to the next thing he wants 5 minutes later. There are kids who want things and then there are kids who want things and completely freak out if they don't get them, so badly that they generally end up with whatever it is they wanted. I'm hoping I can teach my child that those things aren't important without him feeling deprived. I don't want to have to ban all commercials/TV in our house to accomplish this either, hopefully he'll learn this.
Well there you have it, I think those are our main "parenting" methods. That said, we'll find out how many we really stick to. I know this is all easier said than done, I'm not stupid. And I know for every reason I have for wanting to do something, someone out there has a reason why I shouldn't. And it may be just as valid. I also know that just because this is what I want to do, does not mean I feel someone who does something different is any less of a parent than I am. I know there are going to be millions of better parents out there and also tons of parents who will make me look like Mom Of The Year. I think my toughest challenge will be consistency.
My overall goal is to be open minded. I want to learn about different methods for doing something. Like with attachment parenting, I never knew about it, but once I heard about it, I was curious to know more. I didn't just chalk it up to something else I didn't know and didn't really need to learn. We know we will make mistakes and well-meaning outside parties will try to prevent us from making these mistakes but honestly we are looking forward to making these mistakes on our own. That’s the only way we can learn and see what works for our family and gain confidence in ourselves as parents. What it comes down to is I'm going to do what feels right for me and my family and hope for the best. That's all we can do right?!
After thought disclaimer: While most of this is spoken in first person I like to reassure everyone that these are all things that BOTH Bryan and I discussed and agree upon. We’re definitely a team in this.
posted by Julian at 4:10 PM
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